Do you want to be in a relationship? Not all of us do. And some of us should never be in a relationship, even if we want one. But for those of us who still would like to be one half of a relationship it might just still be possible. That’s what this article is about- possibilities. Forget probabilities and statistics. The hard facts about our credibility as humans to stay together in relationships are dismal. We’re not doing a good job of it. And yet there are still those among us who think the benefits of having a relationship and trying to keep it far outweigh the loneliness from choosing otherwise.
The First Step
It’s time to quit being selfish. This is going to be a hard one. As a society we have become so selfish, looking out for Number One has become so much a part of who we are, we don’t even know we’re doing. We’ve even fooled ourselves into believing that the rest of the world should help us in our pursuit of self-actualization and that they should be just as passionate about us succeeding in life as we aren’t about them. We write blogs, we have websites, we argue in a way where the winner is the one who can talk over the other person and we’re incredulous when our love for self is challenged. A successful relationship, a lasting relationship, for selfish people is a ticking time bomb that always explodes just as soon as someone asks “what’s in it for me?”
Having a relationship is hard work. Not all of us are up to it. And some of us have disqualified ourselves from being “relationship material” by our past failures in this area. But it’s equally hard to keep fooling ourselves that we’d really rather be alone. Choosing loneliness over intimately relating to another person is a hard sale. No one really believes you if you say you’d rather be alone. It’s one thing to tolerate loneliness. It’s admirable to be able to be alone at times. But it’s simply unbelievable to prefer loneliness over intimacy. We gravitate toward challenges.